That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
