honey bunches of taint.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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