I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think my moral compass just broke
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
