Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
