whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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