What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
