Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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