Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
