I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
