im drinking this country out of the recession.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
