I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
