suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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