Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
