I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
