He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
