And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
