It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
