Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You work out of a Hotel?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
