this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We were destined to go to rehab together
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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