I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
