is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
