When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
