about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
