We got so high we made milksteak
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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