I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
