I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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