i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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