before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
