Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
