They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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