Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
