You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
