How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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