Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
