Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
