the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
