Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
