Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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