I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
