I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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