Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
