I puked a lego.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
