When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
