It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
