The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i now understand why vodka
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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