Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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