marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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