Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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