He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize