I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
