Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
