I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
