their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize