i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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