Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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