mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Randomize
