we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
