i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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