We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
