She said her name was "party"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
