Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
