so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
