Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
