Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
