Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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