Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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