I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize