I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
