I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize