You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
