So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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