I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
