just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She even gives head with a lisp.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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