Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
