Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
