Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize