They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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