Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
