Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
