So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
