he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
