I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
