Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
