the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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