I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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