Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
sex in a hospital.. check
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
