dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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