There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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