Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
