Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
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