Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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