so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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