It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
