I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
