CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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