Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
