just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
