I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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