saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
