tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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