I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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