Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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