bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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